Speech of Freedom
POSTED AT 08:52 PM

I'm not really in tune with local news these days, but the recent media fiasco regarding the suspension of a local blogger's column on one of our daily newspapers caught my attention. It was quite out of the blue, and I was suitably concerned.

Gist: Columnist comments about the social situation in a satirical manner that is slightly skewed (though not without logic or reason) towards critical pessimism. Ministry gets a little annoyed and publishes a rebuttal in the newspaper. Ministry remains dissatisfied with rebuttal. Ministry becomes a little more than annoyed. Newspaper suspends the column.

I think the glaring question, the one stamped all over the foreheads of all parties involved is:

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THE FREEDOM OF SPEECH?

In the carefully crafted rebuttal, the press secretary noted ever so thoughtfully that

'It is not the role of journalists or newspapers in Singapore to champion issues, or campaign for or against the Government. If a columnist presents himself as a non-political observer, while exploiting his access to the mass media to undermine the Government's standing with the electorate, then he is no longer a constructive critic, but a partisan player in politics.'

Of all the hogwash I think this stood out the most. I'm not even going to go into the logical arguments and rebuttals of the original column and the response. Regardless of whether the original column was a work of truth or an attempt to pull wool over the public's eyes, I think the columnist is perfectly entitled to express his opinion on his own column, no?

I was quite disappointed to read about the whole incident. Granted, I recognise that we don't have the First Amendment to prevent anyone in a position of power from 'abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press'. My impression of the government's stand, which is based on what I have been told by officials in the relevant departments, is that the government encourages active discussion and discourse of social issues, but will draw the line at issues relating to race and religion.

That, at least, I can grudgingly accept. It's true that race and religion is a very sensitive topic; history has more than proven that, and if the government wants to protect us from such conflicts then I think we must be willing to see things from their perspective.

But this is quite a different thing. It addresses matters such as rising costs and the politics of bureaucracy, issues which concern many of us laymen and are very close to our hearts. Even if it was a groundless polemic ranting aimlessly at the government and their limitations, why stamp it into the ground? Why not let the public decide for ourselves what we agree with and what we do not?

Come on, give us a little more credit than that! We're more than capable of separating the groundless complaint from the insightful criticism.

With the recent increase in dialogues, a greater emphasis on openess and discourse, I thought that we were beginning to see a trend that the authorities were starting to open up, starting to show us, the public, some respect as intelligent beings.

I think, maybe I am wrong.

Peaking
POSTED AT 10:10 PM

With NE Show out of the way at last, I feel as if we've crossed a barrier separating the uphill from the downhill. Of course the actual day is going to be much more pressurising than yesterday, but I feel that after two normal and two show rehearsals I've accumulated enough experience to be ready to handle any crisis that might be pushed my way.

The whole hustle and bustle of the weekend meant, however, that I couldn't find the time to go down to Baybeats at the esplanade. I've missed quite a few years in a row now, how unfortunate. But I'm pretty sure my friend Mark had a whale of a time there as the official photographer, so more power to him for getting to do something I'm sure he really wants.

Can't really remember how the euphoria that comes with the sense of achievement feels like anymore.

I've been a bit worried lately about some stores that went missing. I have no idea how they got lost; as far as I know, all movement in and out of the store was properly accounted for, yet now on the ground the physical count doesn't match the paper inventory. For now it's no big issue, but when the time comes to return everything, somehow, somewhere, I'll have to make an extra set reappear to fill the void.

I think I've gotten a little carried away / sucked into the whole atmosphere at work so much so that when I come back out to enjoy the last vestiges of my old, normal, civilian life with my friends, it feels really strange and foreign, as if I've climbed into someone else's skin. Friends who I haven't seen for a while suddenly seem like strangers. I tell myself that come November, I will set out to reclaim everything which I've lost. But of course I hoodwink myself; it's never going to happen, is it?

I paid a visit today to my old house. It's been almost three years since I moved out from there, and going back, today, it really looked so different from what I remembered it to be. With all the furniture gone, staring at the bare rooms, I couldn't help but notice how small everything seemed. Perhaps it's because I've grown since then.

The house holds a lot of old memories for me. Standing inside what used to be my bedroom, I found it hard to believe that this empty, barren room used to be home to my brother and myself. The gaping white walls and tiled floor of the living room was where I spent countless late nights / early mornings fighting off fatigue to get my fill of televised timezone-lagged live football. In fact it holds more than memories; it is filled with emotion. It may be bare and empty now, but just for a while, just for that short period, I was able to reconnect the emotions and memories of the past.

Bitten
POSTED AT 11:40 PM

I think the one thing that has characterised my PC tour thus far and has always left that bitter aftertaste is the lack of appreciation that I feel towards all that I do for my unit, for my boss and for my superiors.

I won't pretend to have moved heaven and earth so far in my tour of duty here, but certainly I've put in my fair share of hard, honest work. And it's always a kick in the stomach to somehow feel left out in the cold after everything that I've done. It may only be little things here and there, but it's still pretty frustrating for me.

I guess it's inherent in holding a one-of-a-kind appointment. From my batch I alone came into this unit, and a certain level of independence and detachment was forced upon me simply because of this arrangment. My fellow colleagues came in one big batch together, and I guess it's not hard to understand why I'm always left out.

I try to tell myself not to be petty, that these little things that I'm missing out on don't really matter. I suppose I'm no different from anyone else. I need little affirmations of myself along the way to reassure me and keep myself going.

What gives me the motivation to keep going is the reassurance and recognition that I get from my subordinates, the men under my command. At the end of the day, knowing that they appreciate what I do for them is more gratifying than any form of recognition from my superiors. To lead is to serve, and in my role as a PC my primary job is to serve them, and not my superiors.

Artefacts
POSTED AT 09:46 PM

This week held the first 2-day weekend in a long time, which I was able to fully enjoy. With this luxury of time suddenly on my hands, I finally got down to do something I had been putting off for a very long time: clearing out all of the junk from my table and my room.

The arduous task involved sifting through the huge stacks of paper, notebooks and magazines which had accumulated on my table top, as well as the general clutter in my drawers and storage boxes.

It was a pleasant surprise to be reunited with this huge variety of long-forgotten possessions; there were a lot of documents and homework from my JC life, some of my university application material, as well as a couple of letters and christmas cards from old friends, to name a few.

I spent the good part of the afternoon slowly sifting through all of these material, rereading all these documents of my past. And I was reminded all too strongly of the life which I have left behind, the life which I will need to start getting in touch with again.

I realised that I've already forgotten a good deal of who I am, of what I did and what I loved. My NSF experience has forced me to take on a whole new external perception: a new personality with different values, a different outlook and different goals. And now I wonder, which is the real me? Is it the younger self that I left behind, or the older, wiser but artificial construct that I am currently living out?

As my work commitments start to diminish, it's time to pick up the parts. I've already made the decision not to extend my service; it's really time to get on with my life. The structured life of the military, the discipline, the authority and responsibilities, the calling of the Officer Corps, the self and mutual respect - I have grown, learnt and developed from my time in the army, but without doubt, this is not the real me. It is not what I am about.

I think, now is a good time as any to rediscover myself. I do not think I would be able to keep it up much longer.