5 more months!!
POSTED AT 12:46 AM

I'm considering pushing back my ORD to follow my men to Brunei. I don't know if it's a smart decision or whether I'd live to regret it, but I don't want to abandon my men halfway just like that.

Of course I will definitely have to leave, but at least I don't want to leave them alone to sink or float in Brunei, which surely is one of the main highlights of their entire tour. Having taken on the responsibility of training them up to be competent soldiers, it is only fitting that I am there to see them through the tough Brunei phase.

So that means I have another overseas frame to look forward to before I finally call the curtain down on my short career. Sad to say it is Brunei and not Taiwan, which obviously is much more enjoyable and exciting, but overseas is overseas nevertheless; a new experience and a greater challenge. This time it will be different.

Perhaps this would be a fitting end - to go out on a bang. Go off on a jet plane, spend some time with my men, trek through the treacherous Borneo jungles, come back to find my pink I/C waiting for me - I kinda like the idea.

My boss said if we're committed enough we will stay to see it through. I think I am willing to. But it wouldn't be due to any pressure from him at all. The pressure is all within.

So Tiring the Weekend of Man
POSTED AT 11:55 PM

And a new week right ahead! With luck a better one than the last! I've had enough of self-depreciation for a while.

Archers and Demons
POSTED AT 10:14 AM

If anything, the last couple of weeks has made me realise that, without a doubt, I would never want to sign up for a career where I am now. It's not so much the work commitment but the people. I would not want to work like this for the rest of my life.

I don't know whether the rest of the working world is like this as well; I sure as hell hope not. If this is my rude introduction to the typicality of the working world, then, well, it's a really rude introduction. I can be quite blase about it now, because I'll definitely be leaving all of this behind at the end of the year and don't have to worry about appraisals and promotions, but if my own career in time turns out to be like this as well, I think I'd be leading an extremely unhappy life.

I suspect it has to do with the whole hierarchy of the rank structure that skews people like this. I spoke to some of the external partners whom I collaborated with at work and they expressed some wonderment at the complexity and rigidity of our hierarchical rank structure. For many of them, it's just split into two flat groups - bosses and workers. I don't know because I can't really say from experience, but what I do know is people in positions of authority and power tend to use the structured hierarchy to press down on people below them.

So at the moment, I'm stuck with doing a lot of work that is just thrown down to me for no reason. I really don't understand how they can take it within their conscience to push their work so indiscriminately to others. I'm not one to complain, but after 6 months it has really started to get quite annoying.

For now I will contend myself with dutiful service. As the end of the year approaches, perhaps a little insolence would do everybody some good in the long run.

Worldly Dreams
POSTED AT 09:54 PM

I lament the limited television coverage of the world cup on the telly!!!

My life is mostly confined in camp these days, so my only option realistically is the free-to-air TV (aka Mediacorp Channel 5) that I can pick up on my mini-antennas with limited reception. Unfortunately for the free world, Channel 5 didn't cough up enough money, so apart from the semis and the finals, we are all forced to look elsewhere (which is essentially everything).

The most annoying (or devastating) thing is that even if I should choose to make the long journey back home where I have the privilege of enjoying cabled television with the sports package, SCV has introduced a new premium sports package which has sucked up all of the World Cup coverage from the more widely propagated sports channels (aka ESPN).

So it basically means I'm left with nothing. Might as well pretend there's no World Cup going on. For an event like this which only takes place every four years to just slip by like this, it is a real calamity.

Is everything getting a little too commercialised nowadays?

Fresh Blood
POSTED AT 08:11 PM

A new officer was posted in to my company today. He comes into fill a position that has been vacant ever since I've been here, so you could say we've been waiting really long for him to come over. And now he's really here - after anticipating something for so long it feels a little strange to have moved into reality now.

A new guy in always makes me feel older, and perhaps a little more experienced. This is the second batch of new officers to come in after me, so there are now two batches of officers more junior than myself. Once that number hits 4, it will be time for me to go.

I may be older, and more senior, but I don't feel superior. It's all too easy to fall into the trap of self-glorification and contempt. 6 months really isn't any big deal, and I don't think I've handled my problems admirably enough to claim any superiority.

But it's really nice to have someone more junior to guide. I love sharing my experiences with other people, and having this new guy in, to the other PCs and myself, is pretty much like having someone come in to share our life, our common experience.

It really is a unique experience - each and every 'career path' that we might be pushed into which one has to personally go through to understand. I can't reach this sort of level of empathy with my friends simply because as outsiders they cannot understand my problems and limitations, so it's quite carthartic to have an outsider come in to join the inner fold.

I'm quite excited, honestly. I can't wait to induct him into the whole scheme of things. Only then, finally, will we be a complete, organic company.

I serve with pride, honour and integrity
POSTED AT 09:14 PM

I'm drowning in my work.

Today's the first time I've been home in more than a week, and I'm heading right back to camp later. I've worked through the weekend and I really need a nice, long break to rest and recuperate, but somehow it doesn't really seem possible anytime in the near future.

It really doesn't help that my able deputy is away on course, while my other not-so-able-but-still-helpful subordinate is also attached out to train for competitive long distance running. So if doing my own job wasn't bad enough on its own, I'm also covering for them and doing 2 other jobs as well.

I can't believe how my bosses can find it within themselves to just indiscriminately hand out their work the way they do. I mean, I would expect that somewhere inside they would draw a line at where the limit should be. But clearly it is not happening, and I am really taking the brunt of it. Because they're unable or unwilling to cope with the rigorous demands of their assignments they choose instead to sub-delegate.

Sure, it's smart to delegate work to your subordinates when you find yourself really overworked. I would too. But how about delegating work to other subordinates who don't even come under your charge? Somehow I find myself doing all sorts of work that I'm still trying to figure out why I'm doing. Sometimes it's just a matter of myself taking the initiative to do a favour and help out on some small issue, and before I know it I've been sucked totally in it, heaped with new responsibilities that I don't even understand.

It's really shocking. I'm starting to think that I would never look back on this part of my life again.

From Green to Pink
POSTED AT 11:36 PM

Another draining week at work. As the work tempo starts to rachet up, so does the pressure to perform, and the inevitable souring of relations. I'm really starting to despise the way the office chooses to work; downstream, it's still pretty acceptable at the moment, but upstream, my buttons are really starting to be pushed in all the wrong ways.

I don't like to be challenged on my own authority; above all I value trust, independence and my own personal space. So when the top starts to push down hard on me I can get really riled up - before I ask myself is it really worth getting annoyed over?

Of course the answer is no. So I just let it pass. But I think I won't be extending my service anymore. My men, my platoon and my fellow mates; they are definitely worth the effort. The rest, I'm not so sure anymore.

------------------------------

A little meme to distract me, stolen from Reverie.

[1] I have read a lot of books.
[] I have been on some sort of varsity team.
[2] I have run more than 2 miles without stopping.
[] I have been to Canada.

[3] I have been to Europe.
[4] I have watched cartoons for hours.
[5] I have tripped UP the stairs. (All the time!)
[6] I have fallen down an entire flight of stairs.
[7] I have been snowboarding/skiing.

[8] I have played ping pong.
[] I swam in the ocean.
[] I have been on a whale watch.
[9] I have seen fireworks.

[] I have seen a shooting star.
[] I have seen a meteor shower.
[] I have almost drowned.
[10] I have been so embarrassed I wanted to disappear.

[11] I have listened to one CD over and over and over again.
[] I have had stitches.
[] I have had frostbite.
[] I have licked a frozen pole and got stuck there.
[12] I have stayed up 'til 2 doing homework/projects.

[] I currently have a job.
[13] I have been ice skating.
[14] I have been roller blading.
[15] I have fallen flat on my face.
[16] I have tripped over my own two feet.
[17] I have been in a fist fight.
[18] I have played video games for more than 3 hours straight.
[] I have watched the Power Rangers.

[] I attend Church regularly.
[19] I have played truth or dare.
[20] I have already had my 16th birthday.
[21] I have already had my 17th birthday.
[22] I've called someone stupid.
[23] I've been in a verbal argument.
[] I've cried in school.
[] I've played basketball on a team.
[] I've played baseball on a team.
[24] I've played football on a team.
[] I've played soccer on a team. during a thunderstorm
[] I've done cheerleading on a team.
[] I've played softball on a team.
[25] I've played volleyball on a team.
[] I've played tennis on a team.
[] 've been on a track or cross country team.
[26] I've been swimming more than 20 times in my life.
[] I've bungee jumped.

[27] I've climbed a rock wall.
[28] I've lost more than 20$.
[29] I've called myself an idiot.
[30] I've called someone else an idiot.
[] I've cried myself to sleep.
[31] I've had (or have) pets.

[] I've owned a Spice Girls CD.
[] I’ve owned a Britney Spears CD.
[] I’ve owned an N*Sync CD.
[] I’ve owned a Backstreet Boys CD.
[] I’ve mooned someone.
[32] I have sworn at someone of authority before.
[] I’ve been in the newspaper.
[] I’ve been on TV.
[] I’ve been to Hawaii.
[33] I’ve eaten sushi.
[] I’ve been on the other side of a waterfall.
[34] I’ve watched all of the Lord of the Rings movies.
[] I’ve watched all the Harry Potter movies.
[] I’ve watched all of the Rocky movies.
[] I’ve watched the Stooges.
[] I’ve watched ‘Newlyweds’ Nick & Jessica.
[35] I’ve watched Looney Tunes.
[] I’ve been stuffed into a locker/I have stuffed others into lockers.

[36] I’ve been called a geek.
[37] I’ve studied hard for a test and got a bad grade.
[38] I’ve not studied at all for a test and aced it.
[39] I’ve hugged my mom within the past 24 hrs.
[] I’ve hugged my dad within the past 24 hours.
[] I’ve met a celebrity/music artist.
[40] I’ve written poetry.
[] I’ve been arrested.

[41] I’ve been attracted to someone much older than me.
[] I’ve been tickled till I’ve cried.
[] I’ve tickled someone else until they cried.
[42] I’ve had/have siblings.
[] I’ve been to a rock concert.

[43] I’ve listened to classical music and enjoyed it.
[44] I’ve been in a play.
[] I’ve been picked last in gym class.
[] I’ve been picked first in gym class.
[45] I’ve been picked in that middle-range in gym class.

[46] I’ve cried in front of my friends.
[47] I’ve read a book longer than 1,000 pages.
[48] I’ve played Halo.
[49] I’ve freaked out over a sports game.
[] I’ve been to Alaska.

[50] I’ve been to China.
[] I’ve been to Spain.
[] I’ve been to Japan.
[] I’ve had a fight with someone on AIM.
[51] I’ve had a fight with someone face-to-face.
[52] I’ve had serious conversations on any IM.

[53] I’ve forgiven someone who has done something wrong to me.
[54] I’ve been forgiven.
[] I’ve screamed at a scary movie.
[] I’ve cried at a chick flick.
[55] I’ve watched a lot of action movies.
[56] I’ve screamed at the top of my lungs.
[] I’ve been to a rap concert.

[] I’ve been to a hip hop concert.
[57] I’ve lived in more than 2 houses. (Houses used loosely here, I suppose.)
[58] I’ve driven on the highway/been on the highway.
[59] I’ve driven more than 40 miles in a day/been in a car that went more than 40 miles in a day.
[60] I’ve been in a car accident.

[] I’ve done drugs.
[61] I’ve been homesick.
[62] I’ve thrown up.
[63] I’ve puked on someone.
[] I’ve been horseback riding.

[] I’ve filled out more than 10 myspace/LJ surveys.
[64] I’ve spoken my mind in public.
[65] I’ve proved someone wrong.
[66] I’ve been proven wrong by someone.
[] I’ve broken a leg.

[] I’ve broken an arm/fingers.
[] I’ve fallen off a swing.
[] I’ve swung on a swing for more than 30 minutes straight
[] I’ve watched Winnie the Pooh movies.
[] I’ve forgotten my backpack when I’ve gone to school.

[] I’ve lost my backpack.
[] I’ve come close to dying.
[] I’ve seen someone die.
[67] I’ve known someone who has died.
[] I’ve wanted to be an actor/actress at some point.

[] I’ve done modeling.
[68] I’ve forgotten to brush my teeth some mornings.
[69] I’ve taken something/someone for granted.
[70] I’ve realized how good my life is.
[71] I’ve counted my blessings.
[72] I’ve made fun of a classmate.
[73] I’ve been asked out by someone and I said no.

[] I’ve slapped someone in the face.
[] I’ve been skateboarding.
[74] I’ve been backstabbed by someone I thought was a friend.
[75] I’ve lied to someone to their face.
[76] I’ve told a little white lie.

[] I’ve taken a day off from school just so I don’t go insane.
[77] I’ve fainted.
[] I’ve had an argument with someone about whether cheerleading is a sport or not.
[78] I’ve pushed someone into a pool.
[79] I’ve been pushed into a pool.
[80] I’ve been/am in love.