Entries for April, 2006
April 2nd, 2006
And you will know us... POSTED AT 06:10 PM Two more weeks of my course to go. Halfway through already, but this knowledge provides scant comfort for the next two weeks which are still yet to come. I don't know why I've been so apprehensive/negative while on course. I knew all along that it would be tough, that it would be a throwback to days of BMT and OCS all over again. And I promised myself that I would take things positively and welcome everything that was thrown my way with enthusiasm. But somehow, on the Sunday evening, hours away from booking in, I am sitting here again with that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I've tried to analyse for myself just what I am dreading so much. After all, as I always psycho myself and those around me, it's no point worrying about something that you have no control over. It's bound to happen, sooner or later, so better sooner than later and best to get over with it quickly. Training is tough, yes, training is mentally exhausting, yes, training is stressful, yes, but what else did I expect? I'm putting it down to a fear of the unknown. Of hidden challenges and obstacles. But like I said, no point thinking about the step ahead until it is actually time to take the step, right? I think it's also a fear of failure to live up to expectations. People have all sorts of expectations for me, and I think there is pressure on me to live up to them. Plus, above all I have my own expectations for myself. These are the most pressurising of all, and I can really be unforgiving sometimes on myself. It's really a terrible feeling. Some of my course mates talk about how, despite all the tough training and hard work, they've really enjoyed themselves so far. I've looked deep down within me, and truthfully there is no way I would agree with them. Perhaps in the future over a cup of tea and in the spirit of reminiscence, I would lend a bit into that sentiment, but from where I am now I can't see how it would work out. Suffice to say that I can't wait for this to end. Looking forward to Good Friday already. eh?
|
April 8th, 2006
Wrong Footed POSTED AT 11:12 PM I attended a shoe clinic last week conducted by an Asics distributor, and the salesman was kind enough to offer to look at all our feet in order to recommend us proper shoes accordingly to feet our feet type. I wasn't too keen on getting a new pair of shoes, but just for the hell of it, I decided to let him have a look at my feet, so that at least in the future I would be better placed to look for shoes that would serve my needs. So I took my shoes off and joined the queue for his expert opinion. He seemed pretty expert at what he was doing - just by looking at some of the other guys' feet he could tell that they were sprinters, for example, or good at running long distance. When my turn came, I got a huge surprise. He spent an unusually long time looking at my left foot. Then he asked me about my knee problems - which I have. What I had, he told me, was a collapsed arch. Sounds pretty bad, huh. It is abnormal for the arch to collapse during the gait cycle or while at rest. This collapsing of the arch is known as flat feet, or pes planus. A collapsed arch indicates tissue breakdown. Supporting tissue is no longer able to elevate the inside of the foot. (http://www.caringmedical.com/media/article.asp?article_id=55) It was pretty surprising, because I had never guessed that my knee problems were due to such a foot condition. Essentially, I am flat footed. No wonder I always had a problem with running. No matter how much I trained, I would always be slower than my friends who hardly seemed to put in as much effort. I spoke to the MO about it, and the main implication of this condition are basically an increased impact on the knee and hip joint and even the back. In order to prevent the condition from getting worse, I would have to get shoes with proper cushioning and arch support. I'd never really bothered about these things in the past, but perhaps it is time to start paying more attention to details, to prevent this condition from becoming crippling in the long run. We learn something new every day, don't we? |
April 15th, 2006
Words of Wisdom POSTED AT 08:32 PM Link from Cessy The Internet is a great spawning ground for new prophets! Some of my favourite ones:
|
April 18th, 2006
The Return of Routine POSTED AT 12:15 AM Now that my course is over, I'm starting to find my old routine all over again. Back to a life of admin work, external meetings and personal responsibilities. Having been out of the whole loop of things for the last four weeks, I've discovered that things have been moving well ahead without me and now it's time for me to play catch up. By some strange and unbelievable coincidence my former BMT PC is now working in my camp. He disrupted his service to go to University, and now that they're having summer break he has returned to serve out the remainder of his time. I met him by chance in the canteen today and we had a nice chat about many things - of issues past and present. It was quite strange, to talk to him now as a colleague, as a friend, when he was once a figure of absolute authority. In fact he was one of the instructors that I've really grown to respect a lot, and talking to him now, as a fellow officer, I am reminded why I felt that way when I was still only a recruit. He had advice for me, as a senior to a junior, and I knew from my own experience thus far that he was speaking the truth. Some lessons are learnt the hard way, and it is always nice when the seniors share their experiences with the juniors to cushion the blow. I'm glad I had the chance to talk to him. Someday I hope to have the same profound influence on others more junior to me. |
April 22nd, 2006
Finally Friday POSTED AT 02:27 AM A terrible week. A week of plugging the gaps, a week of stopping the rot, a week of holding the dam. While others went away, I was left behind alone to try to take care of matters by myself and to fix them on my own. Something which I did not expect to have to do and something which I didn't really know how to do. It was a steep learning curve, and I don't think I climbed it right the first time. But at least I'm learning. I always try to console myself - better to learn things now the hard way because I have this magical erase button called 'ORD' which basically negates all of the negativity associated with this learning process. I can't afford to do this when I go out to work for real. It's a terrible weekend to end the week because I'm on duty tomorrow. This means that my entire Saturday, plus a fair bit of Sunday morning will be totally burnt away. Surely a fitting end to a depressing week. I'm going to bring in my collection of Lost Season 1 to while away the hours. And Sophie's World will certainly help too. At least Chelsea - Liverpool is on Sunday. Something to look forward to. |
April 23rd, 2006
Never to Return POSTED AT 11:37 PM There comes a point in life when suddenly one realises that life as you know it has changed irrevocably, and the past - its feel, its system, its taste - is irretrievable: long gone and never to be returned to. Your very own, real life, conch breaking incident. With increasing maturity comes growing responsibility, and being thrust abruptly into the realm of adulthood, above all else is overshadowed by the loss of innocence. I don't want to admit it; I don't know if I've really come to it, but I think my peers and I have all gone past that stage without realising it. No longer can we hide in our little of Garden of Eden and wait for the fairy tale ending, for our own happily ever after. It ain't coming, and like it or not, we will have to deal with all these real issues in our own way. Things fall apart all too suddenly - and without warning. One moment you can be coasting along happily just enjoying the ride, and in the next moment suddenly drowning in the pouring rain. I guess we all need a certain amount of stoicism in ourselves. A numbness to everything around is the only way to prevent us from being overwhelmed by the enormosity of the entire moment. Be strong. There will be others around who will need to draw upon your strength. |
April 26th, 2006
Different Stages POSTED AT 11:23 PM Back at home for my midweek break. Plus there's Champions League action tonight. I've got all the coffee prepared already to ward off the increasing fatigue. Had a pretty surreal week so far. On Monday I was dressed neatly in shirt and pants attending a meeting at KPMG. The very next day I spent in full battle order wandering around the forests of Lower Mandai trying to find scattered checkpoints in a navigation exercise. If you don't know where that is, it's basically the central catchment area that stretches from Bukit Timah Nature Reserve all the way over to McRitchie Reservoir at Thomson. Stumbling around in the shin-deep swamps, bashing through the dense undergrowth, wandering around under the endless canopy, I felt as if I was back in Brunei all over again. I've never felt confident during close terrain navigation in the forests - everything looks the same after a while, and if not for the primitive map-and-compass system that we so heavily rely on, it's all too easy to get lost. The very next day I was back in town attending another external shirt-and-pants meeting. It's a schizophrenic life. |