When the body screams enough the mind says never
POSTED AT 07:06 PM

Just some updates on what's been happening recently. Bookout times are becoming more and more precious, and though throughout the week I find myself with so many things I want to write about here come weekend time just whizzes by and now it's time to head back in again and I haven't the time to sit down and pour everything out.

University applications are out. Of course not everything's a bed of roses, but I wouldn't call it a bed of thorns either. It's definitely disappointing to be rejected by my dream school, but the acceptances that I've got do come from excellent colleges as well quite capable of holding their own. And there's still the hope of a waitlist as well but I choose not to dwell too much on that.

Halfway through the first term of SISPEC already and the last three weeks does seem to have been a rather long time. I've made new friends and of course there're always the odd guys that really annoy me but other than that I think I'm quite pleased with the way things are going. My instructors are really impressive as well and one gets the sense that they really care about us and care about what they are doing, which definitely is a good sign. On the other hand it's also extremely demoralising to see so many of my friends drop out of the course - 7 so far already, and all I can do is use that to force myself to press on and persevere.

The last week has been pretty tiring mentally with all sorts of exercises and activities that really forced myself to step out of my comfort zone to push myself on. What keeps me going are my goals, my hopes, and a couple of useful mantras that I chant over and over again in my head. It's a way of forcing myself not to be lenient with myself even when my body tries to fool my mind into quitting prematurely.

We did a couple of navigation exercises as well, and I can say that close terrain navigation in a secondary forest is a pretty interesting experience. On my first encounter, my group of four tried to bash right through the forest to reach our objective, and as a result spent almost two hours wandering around the area with no idea where we were. It's quite a scary thing, to be stuck in the forest, with every tree looking like the next one and then there's the stifling feeling of not ever being able to get out of the mess. Perhaps it's ok when we're in a group with a signal set, but on occasions when I had to foray into the thicket on my own with little more than a compass to guide me out of trouble it really calls for me to trust myself, trust my abilities, and trust the north arrow of the compass. It's a pretty useful metaphor to the rest of life, but only when you're put in such a situation do you really realise the true meaning of it. You're only lost if you start to doubt yourself.

And back in I go again. Will this ever end?